Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
