just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
