I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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