Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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