ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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