Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
