Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
