you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
