Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
