OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
