Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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