Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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