I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
