there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
