I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
