I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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