Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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