You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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