So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
