God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
