Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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