I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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