yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I checked into jail on foursquare
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
