i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
