I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
