we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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