I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
