She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
