if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
