Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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