You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
