i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, beer. Big fan.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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