I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
