the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
