to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
