The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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