I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
