Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
