Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
