I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
