Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
