plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
