Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
