She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
