Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
