Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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