Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
