im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
