You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
