I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
