oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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